The Trap of the Maternal Myth: How Idealized Motherhood Harms Women

When you hear the word “motherhood,” you might immediately think of kindness and unconditional love. But is this truly a natural instinct?

Motherhood is a complex and multifaceted concept that goes beyond mere biological instincts or social roles. While it is often associated with deep affection and devotion to childcare, this perception is shaped by both hormonal influences and societal expectations.

Why Do Mothers Feel Frustrated or Overwhelmed?

1. Physical Condition and Sleep Deprivation

During pregnancy and early child-rearing, physical changes and lack of sleep play a major role. Frequent night awakenings disrupt hormonal balance, making it harder to concentrate and stay motivated.

2. Mental and Physical Stress

Pregnancy and parenting take a toll on the body. Physical discomfort, pain from bodily changes, and the pressures of childcare can lead to feelings of isolation and stress.

3. Social Pressures and Expectations

The pressure to conform to the ideal of a “perfect mother” can be overwhelming. Many mothers feel emotionally burdened when they believe they are failing to meet societal expectations.

The Role of Hormones in Motherhood

Hormones play a crucial role in shaping maternal instincts. Some key hormones involved include:

• Progesterone: Increases during pregnancy, enhancing protective instincts. However, it can also lead to heightened sensitivity and occasional aggression. This is not a sign of being a “bad mother” but a natural biological response.
• Oxytocin: Released during childbirth and breastfeeding, promoting attachment and trust.
• Estrogen: Enhances femininity but is not directly responsible for nurturing instincts.

Even in the animal kingdom, mother animals exhibit nervous behaviors due to progesterone. However, human society often expects mothers to be endlessly gentle and affectionate, disregarding these natural hormonal changes.

The Modern Motherhood Paradox

Historically, childcare was a communal effort. In today’s nuclear family structure, first-time parents often bear the entire responsibility alone, with mothers shouldering most of the burden.

1. The Idealization of Maternal Sacrifice

Society glorifies the self-sacrificing mother, expecting her to always prioritize her children and remain strong, increasing stress levels.

2. The Gap Between Ideals and Reality

Hormonal shifts and exhaustion make it unrealistic to be endlessly patient and loving. Yet, many mothers feel guilty for struggling with these emotions.

3. Lack of Social Support

In the past, grandparents and neighbors helped raise children. Today, mothers often feel isolated. The phrase “You’re the mother, so be strong” only serves to further alienate struggling parents.

Motherhood Should Not Be Forced

The expectation that all women should naturally embody maternal traits is flawed. Some women possess paternal instincts, while some men exhibit maternal ones. The idea of a “perfect mother” only pressures women unnecessarily.

The gentleness and affection are effects of estrogen, which is a hormone that enhances femininity rather than motherhood. What you are seeking was the complete opposite. The more you impose the ‘ideal image of a mother,’ the more women feel cornered. Excessive progesterone, forced into the body, takes away the luster of hair and skin, makes it easier to gain weight, and puts a strain on the body. It takes time and effort to return to a healthy physique afterward. Therefore, hormones should not be manipulated forcibly. Milk production is related to relaxation, so an excess of progesterone makes it difficult to produce milk. The scent emitted by the mother also affects the baby. Being moderately feminine is ultimately better for both mother and child.

Breaking Free from the Myth

• Rejecting the notion of a perfect mother: Every mother’s experience is unique.
• Prioritizing maternal well-being: A healthy, happy mother ultimately benefits the child as well.
• Encouraging societal involvement in childcare: Parenting is not solely a mother’s responsibility.

Practical Self-Care Tips for Mothers

New mothers can lighten their physical and emotional burden by practicing self-care techniques that balance their hormones.

1. Physical Self-Care

• Deep breathing and stretching: Simple neck rolls and breathing exercises can significantly improve relaxation.
• Warm beverages for relaxation: Herbal teas or calcium-rich milk can promote calmness.
• Napping or lying down: Even resting with closed eyes can alleviate fatigue.

2. Emotional Self-Care

• Self-affirmation: Remind yourself, “I am doing my best, and that is enough.”
• Journaling frustrations: Writing down worries and emotions can provide mental relief.
• Enjoying music or entertainment: Listening to favorite songs while the baby sleeps can be refreshing.

3. Lifestyle Adjustments

• Eating nutritious meals: Prioritizing protein, iron, and vitamin B6 (found in nuts, bananas, and poultry) can help stabilize hormones.
• Delegating household chores: Relying on frozen meals, delivery services, or robotic vacuums can ease the burden.
• Asking for help without guilt: Seeking support from a partner, family, or community is vital.

4. Emotional Connection Through Touch

• Skin-to-skin contact with the baby: Increases oxytocin, reducing stress for both mother and child.
• Hugging loved ones: Physical affection with partners or close family members fosters emotional security.

Conclusion

Motherhood is heavily influenced by hormones, but societal ideals shape how it is perceived. Modern mothers often feel trapped between their natural responses and unrealistic expectations. Breaking free from the myth of the “perfect mother” and embracing self-care can lead to healthier, happier parenting experiences. Remember, there is no one right way to be a mother.