Does the Husband Need to Be “Raised”? ~ How to Avoid Raising a Giant Baby at Home ~

Thinking about marriage? Recently tied the knot?
If so, there’s one important question we encourage you to consider:

Is a husband something you need to “raise”?

Let’s be clear—this isn’t about changing someone’s personality, nor is it about blaming women for choosing the “wrong man.”
We’re talking about something far more practical: how a partner behaves at home.

“Raising” Means Tuning Your Household Skills Together

Maybe you’ve found yourself saying things like:

“He can’t do it, so I’ll just take care of it.”
“It’s faster if I do it myself.”

If that becomes the norm in your newlywed phase, it’s easy for your partner to slowly turn into a “giant baby”—someone who expects to be taken care of at home, rather than sharing responsibilities.
And if such a situation continues for five or ten years, he may become someone who is no longer capable within the household. Ironically, the more devoted the wife is, the more likely he is to fall into this trap.

“A Husband in the Palm of Her Hand”—and Why That Might Be Okay

In Japanese culture, there’s a saying:
“It’s best when the husband dances in the palm of his wife’s hand.”

Think of it like the story of Sun Wukong (the Monkey King), who couldn’t escape Buddha’s hand no matter how far he flew.
He thought he was free—but he was always within bounds.

The ideal dynamic isn’t about dominance. It’s about balance—where the wife quietly sets the rhythm of the home and the husband thinks he’s leading, when in fact, they’re dancing together.

Confidence, Not Humility

To achieve this, it helps when the wife doesn’t lower herself or overuse phrases like, “Could you please…?”
Instead, speak as an equal:

“Let’s do this together.”
“This is how I do it—give it a try.”

In fact, it may help to think: “When it comes to running a home, I’m the more experienced one.”

There’s another old saying in Japan: “Find an older wife, even if you have to wear golden straw sandals to get her.”
The “gold” here doesn’t mean wealth—it means durability. In other words, a woman with wisdom and life experience is worth the extra effort.

And if you happen to be the older one, you may naturally feel inclined to guide rather than correct, making for a better match.

Don’t Be a “Teacher”—Be a Partner

If the word “raise” feels off-putting, how about:

“Help him get used to it”
“Learn together”
“Encourage independence”

Here’s a better mindset for sharing life together:

Sharing household duties is normal. Find a balance between strengths and weaknesses.
“I don’t know how” or “I can’t” shouldn’t be excuses. Everyone can learn.
When he messes up, don’t say “I told you so.” Say “It happens to everyone at first.”
When he gets it right, acknowledge it with “You’re really reliable.”

Why is “Home Partnership” So Important?

So why is this shift necessary?
Why do so many men end up doing nothing at home?

It often starts innocently:

In the early days of marriage, wives do things “because he can’t”
Or “because it’s faster if I just do it”
Over time, this sets a precedent: he doesn’t need to do anything

As time goes by, this becomes the norm: he doesn’t have to do anything.The problem here is that inherently kind, devoted women are the most vulnerable to this pattern. Their kindness becomes a double-edged sword.And what are the consequences?

The wife’s burden quietly increases
The husband becomes a “giant baby”
Worse still, he may start assuming someone else will always do things for him—at home and even at work

A Real-Life Giant Baby

My own mother was a classic “caretaker” type.
At the same time, she didn’t like conflict or dragging things out. So when my father said, “I don’t know how,” she would just say, “Fine, I’ll do it.”

At first, she felt it was easier. Less stressful.
But over time, my father went from someone who didn’t help to someone who couldn’t help.
Eventually, he became someone who got angry anytime he was expected to help.

When people feel incapable at home, their self-esteem takes a hit.
That insecurity often shows up as frustration—or even rage.

Final Thought: You’re Allowed to Hold the Reins

Marriage is a partnership. But every now and then, someone has to take the lead.

So don’t be afraid to hold the reins—not to control, but to move forward together.

It’s not about dominance. It’s about guidance, shared growth, and mutual respect.
When you take ownership of your home and your rhythm, your partner will gradually grow into the role—not as someone who needs to be taught, but as someone learning alongside you.

💡 This message is not about criticizing men.

On the contrary—every small thing a man learns to do builds his confidence.
That’s why the early stages of marriage are crucial for laying the foundation of an equal, resilient partnership.

So don’t be afraid to set the tone.
Lead with love. Guide with strength.
Grow together.