Please note that this article represents only one perspective. Use it as a mirror to reflect on how you might think about these ideas yourself.
"You Can't Find Happiness If You Expect Others to Make You Happy"
Why is this the case?
Happiness is something we feel within our own hearts and minds.
The idea of 'making someone happy' can be seen, in an extreme sense, as 'arrogant.' (However, the desire to improve the richness of life through new technologies or social infrastructure is a different and very commendable notion.)
Whether it’s a partner, friend, or family member, it is natural to wish for those we care about to be happy, and this is certainly a sentiment to be valued.
However, the experience of 'happiness' arises within each individual’s own heart and mind, which means that, in a true sense, 'only oneself can make oneself happy.'
Only you can fulfill yourself. Although happiness may have a different meaning in this context.
For example, let’s say you had a big argument with your partner and are in a terrible mood. If he then gives you something you really wanted, can you truly enjoy it if you can’t accept it wholeheartedly? What if every time you see the gift, it reminds you of the argument? Reflection on such matters isn’t healthy, and while the gift itself isn’t to blame, it might still leave a bit of lingering discomfort.
Or consider if you went to a long-desired spa, and while the ambiance was wonderful, the service from the esthetician was awful. You’re likely to leave with a negative impression of the spa itself.
In this way, how we perceive and receive things can significantly affect our sense of happiness. For instance, if you’re craving a particular cake but end up with a stomachache, enjoying it becomes impossible.
When you rely on others to make you happy, you’re constantly dependent on their actions. 'He should take me to a place I like, oh, he can’t because he doesn’t have money? Or he’s too sick? So what should I do?' When your wishes aren’t fulfilled, your expectations are inevitably dashed.
On the other hand, what about the idea of trying to make others happy? The feelings and emotions of others are invisible. What you intend to do for someone might even become a nuisance to them. This can often lead to self-satisfaction rather than genuine impact. While the intention to make others happy is important, it’s crucial to not become overly dependent on this and to consider the other person's perspective and values.
Only you can control and liberate your own heart. If, even after an argument, you can accept a gift from your partner with gratitude and say 'thank you,' you are much closer to finding happiness.
What you can offer others is love and sincerity.
Whether it’s a romantic partner or someone you care about, choosing a gift for them can be enjoyable. This kind of self-satisfaction, where you’re aware that it’s about your own pleasure, is perfectly fine. It doesn’t matter if the other person accepts it; what matters is that you gave it because you wanted to.
It's challenging, this notion of 'making someone happy.' Some people might say it with genuine sincerity, without any calculations. While this can indeed be sincere, it can also turn into a feeling of 'doing something for someone' if taken too far.
Is it that the other person cannot find happiness on their own? Or should they not?
Happiness provided by others is often temporary, while the happiness you create for yourself is enduring and certain. Only you can make yourself happy, and not placing excessive expectations on others contributes to emotional stability. In the long run, this can become the foundation for good relationships.
"Is the idea of 'becoming happy' or 'wanting to be happy' inherently a good one? Of course, this depends on individual values and perspectives, but isn't it important to recognize that happiness can be found in the present moment, without being overly fixated on the past or future?
Having the goal of 'becoming happy' is wonderful, but if achieving it depends on future events or conditions, it can sometimes lead to stress or anxiety. (There was a time when I thought, 'This current situation is tough; I hate it!' and wondered if that was just 'running away'... I think there are times when it's okay to escape temporarily, but if one constantly avoids challenges, progress becomes difficult.)
Therefore, appreciating the present moment and finding happiness in it can lead to greater fulfillment and satisfaction. Happiness should be considered not as a goal or objective but as a valuable 'sensation' to cherish.
If you're currently experiencing distress, it may be difficult to find or even acknowledge happiness. What can you do in such situations?
- Accept Your Emotions: Try not to deny or suppress your feelings when you're in pain. Just like desires, emotions can run wild if they are rejected. It's important to recognize and understand your feelings rather than pushing them away. By acknowledging and accepting them, you can better manage and control them. For example, you might think, "Yes, I’m in a lot of pain right now because I can’t walk due to my injury. That’s understandable, as I can't move around freely when I want to."
- Find Small Joys: If finding happiness feels challenging, focus on small pleasures and feelings of gratitude. Pay attention to minor moments and things around you, and make an effort to find happiness there. For example, you might think, "At least I have a home to go back to, and I can choose what I want to eat. There are even sweets at the convenience store." Recognizing and appreciating what you usually take for granted can help you see that the world isn't as bleak as it might seem.
- Seek Help: You don’t have to bear mental distress or stress alone. Seeking support from friends, family, or professionals can be very helpful. Sometimes, just talking about your worries can bring relief.
Being able to give yourself permission is a crucial element in experiencing happiness.
- Self-Acceptance: Accepting yourself and treating past mistakes or flaws with kindness can lead to greater inner peace and happiness. (After all, nobody is perfect.) By acknowledging and accepting yourself, even with imperfections, you can reduce the pressure and stress you put on yourself. Understanding your current self, identifying your strengths, and recognizing areas for improvement can also lead to skill development.
- Understanding Your Value: Recognizing and valuing your own principles and strengths can build self-confidence. By understanding your worth, you can reduce the need to compare yourself to others and focus on valuing yourself. Even just a few key aspects are enough. Given that you’re reading articles like this, it’s clear that you’re a diligent person. That’s truly admirable."
What are other significant factors that make it easier to find and recognize happiness?
- Practicing Gratitude: Reflecting on what you're grateful for each day can enhance your sense of happiness. By focusing on small joys and positive events, you may increase your positive feelings.
- Importance of Relationships: Having relationships filled with love, friendship, and mutual support is a key element in enhancing happiness. Valuing connections and communication with others and supporting each other can help share happiness. Even if some people prefer not to have specific relationships, everyone relies on others in some way—whether it's the house you live in, the office you work at, or the food and clothes you use. Recognizing these connections can broaden your sense of relatedness.
- Personal Growth: Feeling a sense of growth and progress can lead to increased fulfillment and happiness. Acquiring new skills or moving towards personal goals can make it easier to find happiness.
- Engaging in Enjoyable Activities: Participating in hobbies and activities you enjoy contributes to feeling happy. Spending time on things that make you feel good can generate positive energy. Treating yourself to enjoyable activities might add a refreshing change to your routine.
- Mental Health: Maintaining mental health is a crucial factor in finding happiness. Proper care and support to keep your mental balance are important. For women, fluctuations in hormone balance or menstrual cycles can impact mood, and managing nutrition and supplements can help maintain mental well-being.
- Living According to Your Values: Building a life aligned with your values enhances happiness. Pursuing a lifestyle that reflects your true self and cherishing important values can make it easier to find happiness.
These factors may vary from person to person, but balancing them can be expected to enhance overall happiness. Focusing on elements that are important to you can be the key to discovering and experiencing happiness.
Understanding yourself is very important!
Understanding yourself is a crucial element.
Understanding yourself is an essential step towards feeling happiness and fulfillment.
- Know Your Desires: By understanding what you need and what is important to you, you can make choices and take actions that align with those needs. Fulfilling your desires, without ignoring them, is a key component in building a sense of happiness. This is different from being self-centered.
- Relationships with Others: Understanding yourself improves communication with others. By understanding your own emotions and values, and conveying them to others, you can build better relationships. You'll also become more receptive to others' opinions and engage in communication based on trust rather than dependence. Is it virtuous to suppress what you want to say? People are fundamentally equal. No one is entirely right or entirely wrong. What might seem "strange" to you in this article might be seen as "quite good" by someone else. (However, a very straightforward approach might lead to complications...)
- Stress Reduction: Understanding your limits and the sources of your stress allows you to find ways to address them. Reducing stress is an important strategy for enhancing happiness.
Understanding yourself forms the foundation for mental peace and satisfaction. By understanding and accepting yourself, you can build a richer and happier life.
This is just one of many perspectives, but I hope it provides some useful insight.
Thank you for reading.
