Why do misunderstandings occur?
The differences in values, temperament, and thinking between men and women. Wouldn't it be better if we could understand each other more? Wouldn't it be good if we could bridge the gap? But what and how should we do that? What exactly can we understand by understanding? And what does it mean to truly understand?
To give away the answer upfront, "differences in reproductive capabilities" might be a major factor behind the differences in thinking between men and women. Of course, reproducing is not the sole purpose of sex or life, but considering this as a fundamental basis makes it quite understandable.
Since this is a delicate topic, if it makes you uncomfortable, please feel free to step away.
Men don't forget their ex-girlfriends.
Ex-girlfriends and mistresses are significant because they are seen as having the potential to bear their children.
Women, on the other hand, can forget their ex-boyfriends’ names.
They no longer need their exes because they are no longer interested in having children with them or because they have found someone better.
Men's lives are often centered around success and self-improvement.
The goal is to elevate oneself and be recognized by others as successful. The underlying purpose is to showcase their abilities to women in order to appeal to them and maximize the chances of passing on their genes. This often includes achievements in their careers.
Women's lives tend to focus on personal fulfillment.
Success is measured by how satisfied and happy they feel with themselves. The underlying purpose is to ensure that during pregnancy and childbirth, their partner will value and care for both them and their child. This can involve seeking validation and reassurance, such as asking, "Does this look cute? Does it suit me?"
Men seek allies in their surroundings for survival and increasing their chances of success, but these allies are also rivals.
To ensure their own children are born to a woman and not to another man, they need to establish themselves as superior, as the leader, to prevent other men from becoming competitors.
Women seek friends and family in their surroundings, not rivals but supporters.
There is a chance for other women to become pregnant, and the children born are often cared for collectively within the community. Because childbirth carries risks, women may also seek assurance that someone will step in as a surrogate mother if something happens to them.
Men seek from women the ability to bear their children.
Women seek from men the presence of superior genes.
Men have the potential to father a hundred children if they choose to, but women cannot.
Women can give birth and raise children, but men cannot do that.
To understand the risks of childbirth and child-rearing, it helps to imagine the survival conditions of ancient times, where wild beasts posed a constant threat. Childbirth is extremely dangerous; there is bleeding, and newborns cannot move on their own, making them easy prey for predators like lions attracted by the smell of blood. Mothers cannot move properly, and their bodies are often in a terrible state post-delivery, which would shock anyone if they could see it.
Pregnancy lasts about ten months. During this time, a woman must provide nutrition for both herself and the baby, and after birth, she must breastfeed. The uterus’s health and longevity are also concerns. Even in modern Japan with advanced medical care, childbirth can still be risky, making it natural for women to seek 'protection' from men and their surroundings.
There's still societal ignorance regarding women's bodies and childbirth. For instance, people might say, "It's tough to get pregnant over 40" or "Isn't it strange to still have periods after 30?" This reflects a widespread lack of knowledge about female physiology and pregnancy, which is prevalent among all ages and genders.
While it's true that some people have given birth into their 40s or even conceived naturally over 60, and there are still active men over 70 who father children, it’s not uncommon for men to experience decreased vitality and sexual function with age. However, men also face their own limitations as they age, and there are indeed cases of men over 70 still having children.
For a woman, having children with every man she has ever been involved with is quite challenging.
For example, if she has had five ex-partners and is currently with someone else, that makes six potential fathers. Would she be able to safely give birth to children from all six men?
With six men, it might not seem impossible. If she were in her late teens to thirties, and considering having children with some spacing in between, it might be feasible, though economic factors are a concern. However, if a woman were extremely attractive and received flowers from a hundred suitors, it would be impossible for her to have children with all of them. It could even be life-threatening during intercourse.
Thus, it's safer to choose a man with 'excellent genes' and have one or two children with him. 'Excellent genes' means being healthy. A good man is someone who is sincere and would not abandon his wife and children. Women prioritize kindness during sex because a considerate partner is more likely to be a good husband and father. A man who will protect and not abandon his children in danger, such as during a predator attack, is crucial.
Children born to a man with excellent genes are likely to inherit good health and talents, increasing their chances of survival. Having more children depletes maternal nutrition and poses health risks due to aging.
As the third child, I can say that my body is less robust compared to my older siblings. Although I am healthier now, I was weaker and a premature baby. Issues like high birth rates and infant mortality arise from multiple factors, making it advisable to avoid excessive childbirth. It endangers the mother and can lead to weaker children. Choosing a capable partner and considering these factors was necessary for ensuring the children's future.
Men who do not understand that men and women have different values and temperaments may expect women to have the same social capabilities as themselves, while women may expect men to be more considerate.
This mismatch occurs because each side is seeking what they themselves possess. Why do men and women have such differing values? It is likely that the root of this difference lies in the fundamental disparities in reproductive capabilities.
Every person has both feminine and masculine aspects.
A woman might have ambitions for career success, while a man might prioritize emotional depth. Since life originates from the union of sperm and egg, in essence, all life is "bi-gendered." However, there are still distinct genders, and some people become aware of and embrace this. The differences between genders have historically been advantageous for survival. Both women and men have their own strengths and shortcomings. We are separated and help each other to complement these differences, so perhaps we should hold a greater reverence for the nature of gender.
Recently, many works depict female warriors as strong and capable, surpassing men in their abilities—new heroines who are both powerful and beautiful.
Personally, though, I find this portrayal quite jarring. Women sometimes face situations where they cannot fight, such as during menstruation or pregnancy. Generally, women have a physically weaker build compared to men, though some women are well-built, this is rare. Many women prefer a delicate, cute, or seductive body shape over a muscular physique, as a softer body can endure childbirth better. It is said that women with more muscle experience more pain during childbirth.
Men, on the other hand, can continue fighting. While they cannot experience pregnancy or childbirth, their endurance is crucial for supporting a family. Men are generally more likely to develop physical strength, muscle, and stamina compared to women. However, it is also said that men would struggle significantly with the pain of childbirth, potentially leading to shock or death.
The differences in values between men and women that emerge might stem from the desire to protect children.
However, it’s important to remember that "babies are not the sole purpose" in life.
Men are not machines for producing children, and women are not tools for childbirth.
Therefore, honing one’s character might be considered the essence of life.
Understanding between men and women can become more interesting if we recognize that complete understanding might be unattainable and delve deeper into this concept.
On a more fundamental level, "individuality" becomes crucial, and this is something unique to each pair of people, so no one can provide definitive answers. Ultimately, if you have someone important to you beyond gender differences, it’s up to you to cherish that person.
Of course, differences in values due to one’s upbringing, individuality, and other factors are numerous and varied.
This article focuses on traits stemming from physical sex differences, and it doesn’t claim to be entirely accurate. However, understanding the differences in values between men and women and considering each other's perspectives might be key to building better relationships.
Thank you for taking the time to read this article!
